Being At Peace

Funny things happen when you are in Africa, you see and experiences a lot of unexpected things and you find lots of time to think. I have been thinking a lot lately and I have noticed I have thought more often about Kellen and what his life and spirit mean to me while being in Africa. Also, you’ll never believe it but I have also been having more adventures with intention. I am not sure which came first, this isn’t a chicken and egg matter, because I think that both of these things were born from a desire to see and experience the world at large.

The overall experience of living in Uganda has been great. I have learned a lot about the world, myself and about the people of Uganda. I could go on for days about the adventures I am having here, but I already wrote about some of them in a different blog. I am also looking forward to sharing them with you in person; it will be more meaningful that way. One thing that I have learned since I have been here is that I am less attached to outcomes than I used to be. One reason why Mike came here is because he was craving new and uncomfortable situations, me not so much, but you can’t escape those situations when traveling in a foreign country. When you are in them there is a little voice in your head that’s super cranky saying “what the hell is going on? when is this going to be over?” Well, I haven’t shut that voice up but I have learned to either ignore it or better yet embrace it. Embracing it is an important tool here because THIS IS AFRICA and things NEVER happen how or when you expect them to. Someone who is living in the moment is not wasting time and energy thinking about outcomes, they are just trying to live and hopefully learn from their experience. Kellen was a master of this; living in the moment and embracing life even more when it was uncomfortable, challenging or when the outcome was unknown. I, on the other hand, need to continually remind myself that the only way to have joy and peace is when you are living in the moment and embracing whatever life throws at you.

Another thing that I have come to know here is peace, more specifically peace with having Kellen’s spirit with us. I didn’t want to write “just” Kellen’s spirit because it has always been with me and as a matter of fact, that has been true for every spirit of every person, dead or alive, who I have ever loved. We are all connected, but ironically I feel more connected to Kellen now then ever before. Since his death I have felt lots of emotions and not all of them have been positive and I don’t think I let myself grieve all the way for a long time because I felt a need to be strong for my friends. But in the last couple of months I have been at peace, and now a calm, reflective and adventurous mood flows into me when I think about Kellen. When I am in that peaceful space I feel immense gratitude for everything that I have and it gives me energy to continue embracing life.