Burls Out, by James Eger

...so there I was in the Avitar Glades, staring at the largest burl in Canada, and maybe one of the biggest in the entire world.  It sits about 15 feet up an old growth cedar and is about the size of a 1950's Cadillac...or maybe a vw bus.  One absolutely ginormous 2000 year old tumor, quietly presiding over a truely magical forest that started growing before the advent of Christianity, before white people existed in North America, and before the Vikings pillaged and burned all they could...which brings me to my final thought: "so there I was, burls deep in the forest..."


by James Eger

Dream World

Seconds before a call from Lindsey woke me up I had a strange dream this morning. I was in a long hotel style hallway, yet standing outside a door where I knew Therese and Mike lived. They came walking down the hall absolutely exhausted from the plane ride from Africa. I was ecstatic about seeing them and gave them very big hugs (awkwardly long ones, but it wasn't awkward in my dream world). Lindsey was there as well then suddenly Kellen was in the scene. This changed everything. I knew this was not supposed to be this way. To see him felt like a gift. I grabbed him and hugged him for what felt like several “dream-minutes” while sobbing and balling my eyes out. I was stuck in between pure happiness and deep sadness. I didn't want to ever let go. 

Then suddenly, as only happens in dreams, Lindsey and I were in the back of a pickup truck and we drove passed Kellen on a street corner sitting on a large rock, chatting it up with a stranger. I still clearly remember thinking that this is what he does but I just wanted him all to myself and I did not want to lose him again. I then became okay with this as we drove on. But all I felt was the need for him to be with me.

We ended up at a giant outdoor gear store (obviously), and as Lindsey and I jumped out of the back of the truck, - low and behold - Laura Curtis was there. I asked "Hey, do you work here?" She replied with "No." in a laughing shocked tone. Laura, Lindsey and I wondered around this giant multi-level store looking at all the latest outdoor equipment, none of which I could focus on because the entire time I was looking around watching for Kellen to reappear. I wish I could describe what I was felling as I was looking around for Kellen. It was like watching for what you knew to be impossible but hoping that each person you saw was going to turn around, look at you,  and smile.     

If only dreams could come true.

I 'm guessing I miss my friends..............................and gear.

Being At Peace

Funny things happen when you are in Africa, you see and experiences a lot of unexpected things and you find lots of time to think. I have been thinking a lot lately and I have noticed I have thought more often about Kellen and what his life and spirit mean to me while being in Africa. Also, you’ll never believe it but I have also been having more adventures with intention. I am not sure which came first, this isn’t a chicken and egg matter, because I think that both of these things were born from a desire to see and experience the world at large.

The overall experience of living in Uganda has been great. I have learned a lot about the world, myself and about the people of Uganda. I could go on for days about the adventures I am having here, but I already wrote about some of them in a different blog. I am also looking forward to sharing them with you in person; it will be more meaningful that way. One thing that I have learned since I have been here is that I am less attached to outcomes than I used to be. One reason why Mike came here is because he was craving new and uncomfortable situations, me not so much, but you can’t escape those situations when traveling in a foreign country. When you are in them there is a little voice in your head that’s super cranky saying “what the hell is going on? when is this going to be over?” Well, I haven’t shut that voice up but I have learned to either ignore it or better yet embrace it. Embracing it is an important tool here because THIS IS AFRICA and things NEVER happen how or when you expect them to. Someone who is living in the moment is not wasting time and energy thinking about outcomes, they are just trying to live and hopefully learn from their experience. Kellen was a master of this; living in the moment and embracing life even more when it was uncomfortable, challenging or when the outcome was unknown. I, on the other hand, need to continually remind myself that the only way to have joy and peace is when you are living in the moment and embracing whatever life throws at you.

Another thing that I have come to know here is peace, more specifically peace with having Kellen’s spirit with us. I didn’t want to write “just” Kellen’s spirit because it has always been with me and as a matter of fact, that has been true for every spirit of every person, dead or alive, who I have ever loved. We are all connected, but ironically I feel more connected to Kellen now then ever before. Since his death I have felt lots of emotions and not all of them have been positive and I don’t think I let myself grieve all the way for a long time because I felt a need to be strong for my friends. But in the last couple of months I have been at peace, and now a calm, reflective and adventurous mood flows into me when I think about Kellen. When I am in that peaceful space I feel immense gratitude for everything that I have and it gives me energy to continue embracing life.

How I spent my summer vaction

Hello community,

Well, for some of us summer is already over and for others the end is drawing near. With us scattered all over the globe and doing very different things I thought it would be fun to invite you to share a story about your summer. With one stipulation, it must start with the phrase "So there I was...".

If you would like, email me your story (any length is encouraged) I will post it to this blog.

Thanks for sharing,
Craig

Beautiful Words About Kellen

Some of you may know Philip Ackerman-Leist. He is a good friend of mine from Green Mountain College. Today I finished his incredible book entitled Up Tunket Road: the education of a modern homesteader. The book is wonderfully written. It made me laugh, rethink many things, remember old times and it made me cry, twice.

The chapter aptly called The End of Petrol is a real tearjerker. But I'll let you find that out for yourself.

The reason I am writing this post is because of the last three sentences in the book. Many people helped Philip and his wife Erin build their house on Tunket Road. Kellen and I were two of those people. We helped with a variety of tasks from chopping wood to dawning our harnesses and dangling from ropes while putting the siding on. They were wonderful times and they are some of my fondest memories of my time with Kellen. Kellen and I, and others, are mentioned in the book and this made me feel wonderful that his name and spirit is in print, but Philip went further.

Up Tunket Road was published soon after Kellen died and Philip, being the thoughtful and amazing person he is ended his book with the below words and they touched me so deeply that I wanted everyone a chance to read them. The book ends with an acknowledgments section. I almost didn't read it, but I  thought, "I probably know a lot of the people he is going to mention, I should read this" I was right, and I found this as it's last paragraph:

"Finally, numerous students and alumni helped us construct our dreams.  Unfortunately, we recently lost one to a tragic avalanche.  Kellen, the vestiges of your craftsmanship here remind us why it's so important to lead a spirited life among friends and amid nature's wonders, with a lurking chance of mischief  hiding in the shadowed edges on any given moment." 


Up Tunket Road illustrates Philip's ability to write poetically about many aspects of live. He has a beautiful ability to capture the spirit of any given moment or person. As in this case, he has done so with Kellen.

Below is a photo I took of Kellen and Philip's son Asa. Ever since taking it, I have felt it captured what Philip wanted his land to be. A place for friends, family and nature to come together and be happy.

Kellen, everyone loved and followed you.